Entry: I watch the stars from my window sill, the whole world is moving, but I'm standing still. Monday, December 04, 2006



I used to think that I had to be in a certain "mood" to write.  It was this mindset that led to the first discontinuation of this blog.  I could never really classify "insipration" as a mood, and so therefore, I could never identify when I did feel inspired.  As that continued, I found myself writing less and less, because I was inspired less and less, to my knowledge.

Now, I find that while I can write no matter what state of being I'm in, it still takes a spark of something to have me write well.  Whether it's anger, pride, joy, or madness, I really could turn anything out into something.  All that really isn't important, but there it is nontheless.

And the world spins madly on...

I feel like that's been happening so much lately, that other people have just either been passing me by, or that I have just been left down and out and behind.  I have yet to do much beyond working at a resturant since graduating college.  Even friends I have live lives that i wish I could be a bigger part of, or just be a part of in general. 

Heck, at times, I think I could settle just for knowing what they were doing.  (That sounds a bit stalker-ish, I know.  But don't worry, I don't know where you sleep)

It's just that this feeling of not doing anything is getting to me.  I would rather be pathetic than lonely, and I guess I'm just more lonely that I thought I would be out here.  I know that I have friends elsewhere, in otherwise inaccessible areas, who love and support me.  But being face to face is completely different.

I'm dealing though, with some things.  Others though....not so much.

I wish I could resolve a few things, and figure out what other people are thinking.

God? 
     Could you make me a psychic with telepathic mind-reading abilities, if only for a few short days? That would really rock, AND it would be helpful to me.
                                                                                               Your Pal, Brian

Yup, it just seems my people reading skills aren't up to snuff lately, though they do tend to fizzle out sometimes when faced with something that occupies my mind to a fair extent.  I'm trying to sound casual about this, but really....I'm not.  I'm still trying my best to play Cool Hand Luke.

Honestly, I just want to hang out.

   2 comments

Abigail
December 4, 2006   08:49 PM PST
 
Just don't eat 50 hard-boiled eggs in an hour. Then you'd be sick.
Rachel!
December 4, 2006   05:11 PM PST
 
awww this blog makes me really sad we didn't get to hang out yesterday ;(

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