Entry: I'm Addicted to those City Lights Sunday, December 10, 2006



While reading a book called "The Tao of Pooh", in which one is introduced to the complexities of the Tao philosophies using the aimiable, charming and above all simple Winnie the Pooh as allegory, I'm learning things that I believe describe a fair amount of my general philosophies towards life.  Ths first thing that's explained is that Tao teaches is that there is a particular way in which one can appreciate, learn from and work with whatever happens in simple, everyday, mundane life.  From this point of view of acceptance, a sort of harmony is acheived and results in a way of living that is happy.

Now, for the most part, I have always been a big believer in the concept that while you cannot control what happens to you through out the day, you CAN control how you react to it.  Every so often, I have to reaffirm this to myself so I can try to be happy as my life presses onward.  This isn't to say that I am not affected my emotions, it's even less correct to say that I can control my emotions to any sort of degree.  I suppose this is part of the reason that I've been feeling down recently, but for the most part, I don't think anyone really notices. 

I don't feel that I put on a mask of optimism to cover any negative feelings that I carry, but rather I just try to focus on certain positive aspects of my daily life (most of which comes from having social human interaction).  It's more the the effect that I let my positive attitude come forth from my bad moods, akin to sunlight streaming out from storm clouds.

Or at least that's what I TRY to do, with mixed results.

This morning, I struggled, honestly struggled, to get out of bed.  It's not like me to just lie under my covers, paralyzed with thought and introspection and ponderances. Wondering about the "What if's" and the "What COULD have happened" and things to that extent while staring at my ceiling...

Actually...that's EXACTLY like me, only I don't usually lie under my covers for so long.

And my ceiling has a few cracks in it....otherwise it's boring.

And it's funny how much I want to blame one single aspect for the majority of my thoughts, but I think it's much more complex than that.

Sometimes, I wish I weren't as honorable as I perceive myself to be, because then that would give me some sort of....justification to start some drama.  But, then again, I'm not in a soap opera.  But I wish I could play one on TV!  Heh.

I think a Lucky Boys Confusion song has more meaning to me now than I thought it ever would.

And it's 15 days till Christmas, and I have absolutely NO idea what I'm doing, or getting for people.  AND I don't know what I'm yet doing for New Year's.

And with that, I'm going to leave you with an excerpt from my current read:

"Wouldn't you say, Pooh?"
"Say what?" asked Pooh, opening his eyes.
"Music and Living----"
"The same thing," said Pooh

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